Dear Craig

I am still in disbelief I am posting this. I feel unclean and ashamed. You know when you’ve done something wrong and there is that moment right before you admit to it and the weight of the world is crushing you? I’m selling my 1983 Toyota Land Cruiser FJ60. I’m selling “Bruce.”

This is how I feel:

If you’re looking at this ad searching for an fj60, you are here for a reason, so just send me an email and we’ll chat.

For those of you who just stumbled on this ad, this truck can be summed up pretty quickly.There is something called “Gym Strength” and there is something called “Farm Strength.” Those shiny new lifted jeeps you see in the city and in parking garages. They’ve got gym strength. They look in the mirror and are proud, having orchestrated a façade of strength, normally with some horrible music blaring. In controlled situations, they will surprise you with how much they can “lift.” Their buddy, the Hummer H2, is there to cheer them on and spot.

You see the truck in this post? It’s got farm strength. It’ll work from sunup to sundown bucking hay, go out mend a fence, get a piece of Casey’s pizza, then take its woman out, all while minding its own goddamn business. Also, the woman who sits shotgun in this car drinks whiskey and has crosses stitched on her boots.

Name:
Why Bruce? The name reminds me of an old northwoods uncle who farts, says incredibly inappropriate things, is generally hungover/still drunk, but somehow you know he can fix anything, gets his work done, has seen just about everything and has enough grit to get through anything.

Zombie Apocalypse:
This thing would be great for the Zombie Apocalypse, because it is a zombie. When considering a name, I almost called it Lazarus, because it keeps coming back from the dead. It simply won’t die.

Price:
1. I’m selling this for 2,500 if you’re going to use it for parts. Actually, anyone buying this for parts, just move along. You’re not getting your grubby hands on it.
2. If you intentions are pure and you’re going to drive it, I’ll sell it to you for 2,250.
3. If you’re a kid and you want a truck to learn how to wrench on, I’ll sell it to you for $1,950.

Does it work?
I drove it to Minneapolis and drove it around for a couple years hunting and fishing. And back. I drove it to Kansas City from Jefferson City to pick up my girlfriend for one of our first dates. She’s still my girlfriend*

Why am I selling?
At 33 years old, this is the best car I have ever owned. I have more faith in it than any of my others. I am selling it because I just bought a 4runner (I consider this the great-grand-nephew of an FJ60), and I do not have the space.

Good
32×10.5 R15 BFG A/Ts – Less than 4,000 miles
New starter
New rear bumper
New brake lines
New calipers on the rear drums
CD player
Diamonplate runners (cosmetic only – runners were rusted through) and rear gates
Brushguard
Old glass pack a previous owner put on makes it sound like a dragon. A mature, bull dragon.

It’s old enough that it doesn’t have to pass inspection in Missouri, which is good because it wouldn’t.

Not Good
Needs to have lug studs replaced. R/L is rolling on 4/6 studs and the R/R is on 5/6. Do not drive this truck until you get the lug studs replaced. I drive it, but I generally live on the edge of sanity, reason and luck.
Get rid of the Webber Carb. It works just fine, but it’s a two barrel shotgun carb that is trying to kill Bruce. Get rid of it.
Frame is still good, but it was an Illinois truck, so it’s got rust. Like you’re not fully restoring this truck. Pretty much, you’re staring at the bottom quarter of the bottle. It’s still got a couple years left on it, enough to get you drunk, but be reasonable – you’ve got to get to work tomorrow.
Leaks oil, but at 33 years old, someone told me, if you’re not leaking oil it’s because you don’t have any.

There’s probably feathers still in it from bird hunting. Those are Bruce’s war-chief feathers. The suspicious birddog does not come with the truck.