After recently completing a sobriety program, I realized I’m not a hipster, I’m just an alcoholic. Why am I telling you? Because I am leaving everything behind from that lifestyle. When Cortes reached the new world, he burned his ships so that there would be no possibility of turning back. In this vein, I am selling my Ray-ban Wayfarer II sunglasses as I exit the “hipster” stage in my life to guarantee I never make this (those) mistake (mistakes) again.
Funny, now that I have taken those sunglasses off, I can see how ridiculous it all was. Either way, my becoming a productive, responsible member of society is your sweet score. I paid $70 for them (used), so you can have them for $50.
Even in my new role as a working stiff, I still enjoy a good showdown, so here is how we are going to do this…Send me a 3 sentence reason why you think these glasses would be yours over anyone else and/or a commentary on hipsterdom in general. At the end of the week, I will decide who is best at which point we’ll arrange a time/place to get you the glasses. If it’s super awesome, I’ll give them to you for $40.
Hemingway won a bet in six words once. I’m giving your three sentences. Frankly, I feel I am being generous. Actually, more than generous.
Do your best, or worst, whichever, I don’t care, just let me know. If this ad is still up, they are still available. TEXT ONLY – I don’t plan on going through a bunch of emails, half of which are spam. Speaking of which, start your text with “Dearest Brandon” so I know this isn’t a scam.
“Dearest Brandon” will not count towards your three sentences, as it is a salutation.
With all the apathy I can muster,
Brandon
*Quick note: I’d never be so pretentious to buy Ray-bans. At least, anymore Ray-bans. This was written pretending to be my friend, Brandon, and the number included was his, so he received random texts for 45 days like “Dearest Brandon, Please let me purchase your sunglasses so that I may pursue my dream of picking up where you left off in my pursuit of becoming an alcoholic hipster. Love, Halee. Seriously tho. Let me buy them”
He and I were pretty stumped.
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